Types of Crushes
In a night of revelations this past weekend, I came up with a genius way of explaining the types of crushes women (since I am a woman, that’s all I can speak to – I’ve given up trying to understand men’s minds) have on men. Well, I think this theory is genius. I’m pretty sure most people will wonder a) why it matters and b) who the hell cares. I find it an interesting, and once again, to be perfectly honest, I don’t care if anyone cares or not.
So anyway, I think there are 4 types of crushes: Celebrity Crushes (which I personally think shouldn’t count as a real crush anyway because you’re never even going to meet that person, so why bother); High School Crushes; College Crushes; and finally, Real Life Crushes. As a single woman in her early 20’s (I’m 23 for two more months – still counts as early), I have had the opportunity to observe my friends’ and family’s relationships, and my own (failed) ones and have recently come to these conclusions. Now for all of you who think I’m insane or just have way to much time on my hands, yes, you are right, but just read on, I think I can satisfactorily explain this. While they are kind of self-explanatory, but you may enjoy my explanations.
The Celebrity Crush is obvious. You have a crush on a celebrity, some actor, sports star, rich CEO, whatever, whom you have never met and, most likely, will never meet. This one can range from the innocent following of movies and reading about him in magazines to the insane stalkers you hear about getting arrested for trying to break into their house and smell their underwear (never a good thing). This particular crush bothers me because it gets you nowhere. Everyone in a relationship seem to have that “one person” who, if the significant other ever meets them, they can have one night with. Well, why would you do that? If you are in a truly committed relationship with someone, why would you have that “escape clause”? It seems totally unnecessary and kind of demeaning. You may be wondering why I would care, because it’s not a big deal, it’s totally impossible that it would happen, and it’s kind of a joke. The question I pose to you then, is, think about what would happen if your significant other actually did meet that “one person”. Then how would you feel? And what if, since there is that “one person” would they be imagining/comparing assets then every time you were in bed thereafter? Nope, I don’t like this type of crush at all (even though I totally have one on Jonathon Rhys Meyers).
A High School Crush is when you have a crush on a guy and it’s totally innocent. Just a “school-girl crush” if you will. You know not much is ever going to happen with it, and it doesn’t go much beyond flirtation, gooey-eyed staring, or a few dates with minor petting. You’ll get over this crush pretty quickly and move on with no harm done and maybe a lesson learned on the type of guy you are (not)looking for. I like this crush because it is totally innocent and no feelings should be hurt. When we were in high school, we had tons of these crushes, and, since we were in high school, we were definitely hurt then because anything bad that happened meant the end of the world, but now, a High School Crush should be recognized for what it is.
The College Crush is a little more fun and I think more likely to happen to those in the early- to mid-20’s (which is kind of like a duh moment because you finish college in your early 20’s). A College Crush is kind of like the High School Crush, except a little more dirty and will probably last longer and has a better chance of turning into a Real Life Crush (more on that later). The College Crush usually stems from meeting someone at a bar, or randomly hooking up with someone you work with. It sometimes involves sex, certainly heavy petting, but usually is never really completely serious, even though when it ends, people are hurt in one way or another. Obviously a College Crush means more “adult” feelings and can involve very adult issues, but for many, it’s just a lot of fun and is part of the casual relationship image that defines those of working-class, early to mid 20’s set of the population.
This next type of Crush, and the one that is obviously the most complicated, is the Real Life Crush. This Crush is the one that inevitably leads to long-term relationships – marriage, common-law unions, etc. From the beginning it is acknowledged that “something” is there. The sense of excitement is much higher from Day 1, and it is no surprise when a crush like this one turns into a long-term thing. I thought about breaking this Crush up into different categories, but there is really no need, because no matter what happens later on, the Crush itself is what I’m discussing. When I think of Real Life Crushes, I think of the stories of when my sister met her husband or when my Grandpa met my Grandmother. These Crushes are real, deep and meaningful. And later on, when they are reflected on, many times, it is just known that it would end in marriage. If it ends, either in divorce or just a break-up, psychologically, it is deeply painful. I would argue that if one person involved dies, the Crush never really ends. I personally think that this Crush (even if it only happens once) is the best one.
Of course, there are exceptions. Everyone knows that sometimes, a high school relationship turns into marriage, and obviously, so can a High School Crush. I just think that it is way more unlikely to happen. Same goes for the College Crush. A casual thing can most certainly turn into a deep, lasting relationship, but, for a lot of people, especially in their early to mid 20’s, a long-term relationship is the last thing on their mind and all they want to do is enjoy lots and lots of College Crushes. Which, to be honest, is totally understandable.
Of course, there is a downside. To me, this is when the first three types of Crushes mess with the last one. When the Celebrity, High School and College Crushes happen to a woman who is married and has a Real Life Crush. Obviously, anyone of these Crushes can spell disaster to a marriage if you let it. But you know, if you can recognize those Crushes for what they are and what they are not, I think avoiding the temptation becomes much easier, and keeping that Real Life Crush going and even more powerful.
So, during the Keynote Speech of WWDC 08, I have tried to explain what each of these Crushes are and why they are important. None of them should be ignored, but taken and enjoyed. And, when they are over, learned from so that when the next Crush comes along, it is even better than the last.
